The recession

I am in the bank to tie up my financial affairs before going home. The girl dealing with me is fascinated about why I might have come to South Africa to work - all her friends are going to the UK.

"One of them came back with a MILLION RAND! And he only worked there for a year."

"What work was he doing?" I ask.

"Working in a bar!"

I would be keen to know which bar pays over £75 000 a year - I might be tempted.

She asks me about HIV and whether people "up there" in the rural areas were very sick. "Was it stressful?" she asks as she takes my passport.

"At times."

She studies my ID photo. Then she studies me.

"Well you've definitely got less hair than before."